BENBEN: Hindu Wedding

In the last installment of the BenBen column of The Rising Firefly, we explored the traditional Cherokee wedding. A wedding is an important spiritual and social event. It not only binds two people together, but it also links two families socially and spiritually. In this issue, we will explore the traditional Hindu wedding. 

According to Dr. Krishna Nath Chatterjuee, author of The Hindu Marriage Past and Present, the goal of a Hindu marriage is to discharge religious and social duties, have sex, and procreate. Marriage provides a fertile ground for attaining prosperity and worldly pleasures, as well as an ideal place to achieve religious duty and salvation. A marriage is sacred and the man and become one in spirit. The traditional Hindu marriage is based on absolute mutual affection, compromise, and shared responsibilities. 

MATE SELECTION 

Traditionally, marriages are arranged by the parents, for they are older and wiser and are thus more capable of making a sound choice. Mates are chosen with great care, and many things are considered, such as education, income, social status, family name, and personal qualities. Caste plays a very large role in mate selection; for many Hindus, the caste system remains strong. Castes are related to the traditional occupations that are passed from father to son, and mates are generally chosen within the same caste. Because of Hindu explanations of karma and reincarnation, the higher castes are seen as being pure while the lower castes are seen as being more corrupt. Brahmans are the highest caste and are generally priests and philosophers. Kshatriyas are warriors - those in the military and those 22 sustaining the law. Vaishyas are responsible for trade and business, the Shudras are manual laborers, and the lowest caste are called "untouchables". 

Historically, parents arranged marriages for their children while they were babies based primarily on family compatibility. The young girl was expected to pay visits to her husband and his family during childhood. The couple was generally married before puberty, ensuring that the girl was a virgin. Today, this practice is illegal, and girls cannot get married before they are 14 years old. While marriages are still arranged, the to-be couple do have a say in the matter, while the parents keep the authority of having the final decision. Girls are not permitted to have boyfriends before marriage and are expected to be a virgin on their wedding day. 

BETROTHAL 

Once the mates are chosen, the families choose a day to make the decision official. The day chosen is important and should be an auspicious day. Times to avoid include Sundays, Tuesdays, and Saturdays, as well as the month of Posh (December), Kartik (October), and Chetna (March) due to the fact that Venus and Jupiter are on the wane. The ideal time for betrothal is during Phalgun (January-Feburary), and Bhadrapada (August - September). 

The boy's parents arrive at the girl's parents house on the day of engagement. Brahmins recite the Mangla Charan, or benedictory prayer, and the God Ganesh is worshipped. Rice is sprinkled on Ganesh and on the boy's party, along with water that has been colored red. The girls guardian (typically her father) then announces that the girl is "dan" (a gift), and this announcement officially engages the couple. Once the girls guardian has uttered these words, the engagement is a social contract that must not be broken. The guardian gives the boy cloth, fruits, flowers, and cluthes, and the boy's family give gifts to the Brahmins and distribute sweets and money. 

The betrothal is a sacred part of the marriage ceremony. In polygamous Hindu marriages, the betrothal gives a girl the social claim to be married first. This is important because the first wife is seen as privileged. 

PRE-MARRIAGE CEREMONIES 

Pre-marriage ceremonies are important for the marriage because they help to further bind not only the couple, but the families as well. These ceremonies usually have a local flavor 19 them rather than being "by the book", but are nonetheless vital for the marriage process. 

Sweets are sent by the boy's father to the girl on festivals and special occasions, The girl traditionally returns these sweets along with some money for the father. Then the boy's father sends ornaments/jewelry. The girl keeps perhaps three or four, and sends the rest back to the boy's father, along with some money and clothes. 

Pair Pana - This ceremony is typically done after betrothal. The girl's family sends trays of sweets, (typically 11- 51 in number) to the boy's parents. The same day, the women of the boy's family will pay a formal visit to the girl's house. After refreshments, the mother of the boy blesses the girl and money is given to the barber maid. Once the boy's family leaves, the girl's mother and women of the family, in tum, visit the boy's house. The mother of the girl blesses the boy, gives him a gold coin, and gives a gift to the barber maid. 

Milni - This ceremony is traditionally done a few days before the wedding, but nowadays it is common for the ceremony to be done just before the marriage party enters the marriage hall. The girl's family sends trays of sweets to the boy's house, taken by the males of the girl's family. The boy's relatives receive the party, as an official meeting. Money, ornaments, and Salami (token money) are usually offered to the boy's family. 

Mangal snan - Usually performed on the day of the wedding, this ceremony requires haldi paste to be applied to the body of the groom. He then bathes, and afterwards, a part of the haldi is sent to the bride. She then uses it in her bridal bath. 

Ladies Sangeet - This is the last party that the bride-to- be gives for her friends as a maiden. Women come together and sing marriage songs. Some songs make fun of the groom and in- laws, while others offer advice for the bride in her marriage, and still others tell of the sorrow felt because the girl will leave her parents' home forever. 

Ghodi Ceremony - Before the barat (marriage party) goes to the girls house on the wedding day, a mare is sent to the boy's house. The boy rides the mare with a small brother or cousin riding behind him. Women and relatives bless the boy and give him and the younger companion money. The boy then rides to the girl's house, accompanied by friends and relatives, with a band, under glittering lights. Once the party reaches the house of the bride, the boy dismounts the mare and is led inside. 

THE MARRIAGE 

Hindu wedding ceremonies typically take place at home. The bride will wear a beautiful sari (traditional Indian attire), and a large tent is erected and filled with flowers, jewelry, and decorations. 

The marriage party goes into the hall, while the bridegroom is in an inner chamber. He is surrounded by girls and females of the bride's family. The bride and her mother fast on this day until after the seven steps of the marriage. The groom's family often fasts as well. but 1l is not required. When the right time arrives, the boy goes to the wedding spot. He arrives with his family and friends in a procession and are received by the bride's family and friends. 

The groom is seated on a wooden seat, and the bride sits by his side. The parents of the couple sit on the side of their child. opposite to each other. Two priests sit on the fourth side. 

Vedic mantras and holy writing are recited. Blessings from a deity are invoked. The bride then gives yogurt and honey to her groom as a token of purity and sweetness, and she greets him with by placing a garland around his neck. The groom reciprocates, and both are congratulated by friends and family. 

Kanya Danam - The bride signals her readiness to become a married woman by spreading turmeric powder on her hands. The father gives the bride away in front of the many guests al the wedding by pouring a libation of sacred water, which symbolizes the giving away of his daughter to the groom. The groom then recites Vedic hymns to the God of love, Kama, and asks for blessings. The father of the bride requests a promise from the groom: dharma (morality/ethics), artha (wealth), and kama (love). The groom repeats three tunes that he will not fail. 

Vivasha - The bride and groom face each other, and the priest ties a piece of long cloth hanging from the groom's shoulder onto the headdress of the bride. They exchange rings, and the nuptial fire is made. The bride and groom both pray for blessings, and offerings of samagree (sandalwood, herbs, sugar, rice, and ghee) and twigs are offered into the fire. 

Paanigrahana - The groom stands facing west. The bride sits in front of him. 44 facing east. He takes her hand and recites Vedic hymns for happiness, long lives, and a lifelong marriage. He says "O Sarasvati, gracious one, rich in offspring, you whom we hymn first of all the Gods, may you prosper this marriage," 

Laya Homa - The bride then offers a food sacrifice to the Gods. The brides brother pours grain into her hands, and she says, "This grain I spill. May it bring me well-being and unite you to me May Angi hear us." She spills the grain into the fire and says, "This woman scattering grain into the fire, prays: Blessings on my husband. May my relatives be prosperous. Svaha!" 

Agni Parinaya - The groom takes the bride's hand and they both walk around the nuptial fire three times. The couple offers oblations and recites Vedic hymns to Gods for prosperity, good fortune, and fidelity. They then touch each others heart and pray for the union of heart and mind. 

While walking, the groom says. "First now they bring you in bridal procession this Surya, guiding her steps in circular motion. Return her now, O Agni, to her husband as rightful wife, with hope of children to come. 

The rite is repeated three times. and after the fourth pouring of grain into the fire, the bride says "To Bhaga svaha!" 

Asmaarohana - At the end of each trip around the fire, the bride and groom each step on a stone and offer a prayer for their mutual love to be firm and steadfast, like a stone. The groom begins with his foot on the stone, and while the bride stands, he says, "Come, beautiful one." The bride puts the tip of her right foot on the stone, and she says "Come, step on the stone. Be strong like a stone. Resist the enemies. Overcome those who attack you." 

Satapadi - This is the most important part of the wedding. The bride and groom take seven steps together around the nuptial fire, making seven promises to each other. "With God as ou guide let us take the first step to nourish each other, the second step to grow together in strength, the third step to preserve our wealth, the fourth step to share our joys and sorrows, the fifth step to care for our children, the sixth step to be together forever, the seventh step to remain lifelong friends, the perfect halves to make a perfect whole. Alter the seventh step, the bride stays where she is and the groom says, "With seven steps we become friends. Let me reach your friendship. Let me not be severed from your friendship. Let your friendship not be severed from me." 

A prayer is recited, making the union final. The bride and groom are now husband and wife. 

After Satapadi, there are a few quick ceremonies that can be briefly mentioned. Hradayasparsh is when the groom comes to the bride and touches her heart. Mangal Sutra Dharana is the tying of the thread containing the symbols of Vishnu or Shiva in the neck of the bride by the groom. Suhaag is when the groom places sindhoor (red powder) on the bride's hair, showing that she is a married woman. 

POST-MARRIAGE CEREMONIES 

At this point, the main marriage is over, but the wedding is not! The bride and groom are now husband and wife, and now must begin their new life together as one. 

Khat Pujan - The bride and groom sit on the bed and receive the wedding gifts. The husband is asked by the wife's family to recite a Chandra (couplet), and the wife's family pays him a small amount of money. 

Grahapravesha - After the marriage, the couple leave the girl's house or wedding hall and head towards the groom's house. The bride is seated inside a carriage, usually with a little girl to keep her company. Her mother and father begin crying when she leaves her house, and their crying continues as they accompany the couple part of the way to the husband's house. The sacred fire from the nuptials is carried with them, and this fire must not. 

The husband's mother receives the couple at the door of her house. She pours mustard oil on both sides of the door before the newlyweds enter. When they reach the man's house, he says to his wife, "Enter with your right foot. Do not remain outside. The wife enters his home with the right foot (considered auspicious) first. She then must topple over small pots of rice and is then received by the women of the family. The mother of the husband then welcomes her new daughter. 

The wife is then given a purse full of money, and she is encouraged to take as much of it as she wants. This shows that the husband trusts his new wife with his earthly possessions. The wife, in turn, promises not to spend any money without his knowledge. 

Muqlawa - After a few days spent at the husband's house, the wife will return to her father's house. The husband will then visit her in her father's house and take her back to his house. 

The traditional Hindu wedding is still practiced today, but more and more people are opting for a more modern approach to their ceremony rather than the traditional. A Hindu wedding is a grand affair and one of extreme importance. Hindus should think twice about abandoning their traditions.