Since the inception of my cultural awakening a decade ago, I have actively engaged the desire to know and understand myself better. The burning and motivating question has been this: "How does an African in America cultivate a genuine and informed love of self?" It turns out that the informed love of self I was seeking has to be a love rooted in knowing, embracing, and celebrating my African heritage. Beset on all sides by the many manifestations of White supremacy inherent in American culture, I was not satisfied with the current state of affairs. During my cultural journey, I have read books, attended lectures, listened to radio shows, collected artwork, watched independent films, worn clothes, and participated in community groups that were African-centred. I both wanted and needed to manifest the splendor of the people from whom I come.

I was introduced to Master Naba by way of a radio show called "Health is Here" in November of 2005. The show promoted a lecture, which I attended a week later. On that fateful Friday, I decided to become a student of the M'TAM School of Kemetic Philosophy and Spirituality. As one of twelve members of the first generation in New York, I embarked on an educational, spiritual, cultural, and psychosocial journey of self discovery. I had no idea what I had initiated.

In class, Master Naba and his apprentice Herpw Bikbaye never failed to stress the importance of enhancing our personal qualities, which began with the study and application of the human moral code of behaviour, the 77 Commandments. "This is a spiritual school," Master Naba would say repeatedly during our lessons on Kemetic philosophy, culture, and language. I heard him; I understood him. Or so I thought.. The stark reality was that I actually knew little of required sacrifice, in the truest sense of the word. I knew even less about a commitment to change outside my well-established comfort zones. In short, my Kemetic initiation was characterized by personal struggles and failures on many levels.

First, I was unable to reconcile my deep-rooted hatred of those who systematically destroyed the culture of my ancestors, with my pursuit of enhanced personal qualities through spiritual growth. The struggle was a private one for months before I asked in class, "What do I do, then, with the white man and the mess he has made of the world?" To my surprise, Herpw Bikbaye replied that the answer, essentially, began and ended with me: a spiritually directed person hates no one. I would have to lay my hatred down to be free (and I'm still working on it). I also struggled in the area of general discipline regarding my studies of Medu, as well as in my ablutions (spiritual cleansing) and meditation. My awareness of the evil within became so heightened that I often felt like a stranger to myself. I didn't like who I was. Yet I wasn't able to communicate that to anyone.

The highest standard of being is required by The Earth Center. Only honesty can lead to real change. For me, there was the desire to be better and the perceived inability to be better. The truth was that I just didn't want to change aspects of my outlook or personality that were unhealthy, although they were familiar. Increased turmoil, within and without, left me ill-equipped to handle/manage the mounting pressures and stresses. And so, four months into my initiation, I began to buckle under the weight of shifting paradigms, a new motherhood, back-to-work adjustments, residential relocation, financial pressures, finally recognised insecurities and fears, and unmet emotional challenges. It was truly the most trying time of my life. Both because and in spite of my personal failings and flawed coping mechanisms, I couldn't't quit. My destiny was hanging in the balance. Where else would I go after this?

My search for authentic African spiritual, philosophical, cultural, and social values has brought me face-to-face with my lesser self. Desire for freedom from the trappings of comfort zones, ignorance, and selfishness will keep me on the path until I manifest the greater woman that I am destined to become. Undoubtedly, my ancestors and the Gods know this woman; my teachers Master Naba and Bikbaye expect from this woman; my newborn daughter Binirba Bounubti Kamenthu needs this woman; her father, Bounubti Kamenthu anticipates from this woman; and my growing Earth Center family deserves this woman. In all of this I find great encouragement. I welcome her.

For a time, I was satisfied with entertaining the historical reasons for our defeat by others. But that failed to bring liberation of my person or my people. Today, I understand that the world we inherited will change with the collective efforts of spiritually and intellectually honest individuals. Spiritual and intellectual honesty result in true peace, the cornerstone of which is communication with my own ancestors and worship of my own Gods in the ancient, sacred language that is also mine. To those who will read these words, I say: If you desire to live in harmony with yourself, your Earth, and your fellow created beings, you are destined for a path that begins at The Earth Center.

All in all, the awakening that I need to embark upon has only just begun. The gifts of the knowledge of our sacred language, a moral code of conduct and access to traditional herbal remedies have profoundly blessed my life. Today, I am mentally sharper, more health-conscious and more spiritually- centred as a result of my involvement with The Earth Center. I cannot fail to acknowledge the vital role that my fellow initiates Hapi, Ouzerba, Boubasti, Nekhitem, Bouimen, Bouankhi, and Bounubti have played by virtue of their presence. To these fellow messengers to humanity, "Djed ka ee Duaooh!" May we truly fortify and preserve this stronghold. With great alacrity, I will pass on my knowledge of the Medu Myeet and the practice of purification and meditation to my daughter, Binirba, along with the light and wisdom conveyed by my Earth Center Family. For Bounubti, I look forward to exhibiting the strength, patience and wisdom of Neith as we, with renewed purpose, partner together on this journey. I aim to bless my dedicated teachers Master Naba and Bikbaye with the woman I am becoming. There is nothing greater that I can give you.