The Initiate: Seeking A Position of Harmony
Disharmony in the black family is at the heart of my family's destruction and the self destruction of our communities in the diaspora. I have experienced more turmoil from my own people than from outside of my culture. Also, if you were to ask the average "black" person, "Do you get more flack from black people or people outside your culture?", I guarantee you'll get more answers that mirror "black people" with the brothers saying "hell yeah" and the sisters curling their bottom lip in agreement saying "mmhmm". The awareness of our failure to keep our people together is becoming a common theme within these times. If you ask my friends in the area of Maywood, Illinois (just outside the West Side of Chicago), they'll answer "that's just the way things are", leaving no room for discussion, debate or growth. I too have answered people with this same definitive, hopeless attitude.
However, I am now far from being definite about our fate with a better understanding of the legacy that comes with being a member of the descendants of Black Civilization. The study of the history and culture of Kemet in the M'TAM School of Kemetic Philosophy and Spirituality has shown me that work, discipline, and humility can change the most conditioned situations. Awareness is an important element in destroying the destructive state of mind that accepts this planned fate of our people. I hear so much from young adults that our current situation just should not be. However, we must remember, the necessary work needed in applying all this intelligence we speak of in our barber and beauty shops or at our poetry sets, in the hip hop we "spit", or the "whole other level" discussions we share over hopeless drug use. It has to reach further into our individual lives than just rhetoric, or what is the use?
I have become more aware of sisters saying that they have more male friends than female friends. How come as a collective we can't stand each other? What happened? I have experienced more tension around females than males in my life, and I was raised by all females. My insecurity was exposed to me through other females because they would have the same insecurities as I. Now this would seem like a chance to share and a moment for growth between two sisters. However this opportunity is lost, destroyed by our own corruption and corruption is a mighty powerful force. My corruption lead me to judge my sister and condemn her in the eyes of others in order to take their attention away from my insecurities, which in their eyes, puts me back on top... but on top of what? I am becoming aware that as sisters we have to deal with, and are the target of destructive misguidance. We have not been made aware of the entity responsible for bringing us to this self-destructive and self-sabotaging point. This lack of awareness contributes to our misdirected anger without the knowledge of where our energy should be directed.
I have learned from our ancestral cultures that in Kemet we have roles as women. One role is to educate ourselves about who we are through the eyes of our ancestors. Another role is The community of men is also allowed to thrive and become fortified by clear gender roles, traditional values and a rural lifestyle. The Earth Center schools are opening the colonial world to the realization that much can be learned from our counterparts in rural societies. to pinpoint and clarify our role in the Black family and the greater society. At The Earth Center I have learned that any resentment that I feel towards another sister is a corruption within me that has not been dealt with properly. I then must understand and work through my own insecurities, as not to place them on someone else, or as to protect my sisters and my community from my own corruption.
Aside from woman to woman, there seems to be a disconnection between woman and man. It is becoming shameful to witness the absence of successful Black families. I have involuntarily been single for over three and a half years because of my conditioning and acculturation. Most of my female friends have relationships but are far from happy. They also have friends that have relationships that are far from even being content. One of the hardest lessons I'm learning from my ancestral culture is the true nature of love and how it is of little value for Black families. Pretty harsh, I thought, but not as harsh as the situations of Black families today with "love" as our priority. Our culture, has taught us to invest in the qualities of one another and not the delusional potential of one another. Love is a changing emotion that can be quickly engaged and then disengaged with the same breath. I might really love this man but that love will not last, how can I begin to believe that he will live up to the conditions I have for love at all times of his life? Can I even believe that my conditions will stay the same?
In the Kemetic initiation, we learn it is important to take full responsibility for our actions so there will not be any resentment or misdirected anger in the long run. In addition, within the Kemetic idea of marriage and commitment there is no switching from person to person because of comforts or ideas of love lost. Our ancestors understood that marriage is about applying the work, discipline and humility needed to make a relationship and a family work.
All that we do will be carried over to our children. This awareness should at least put fire to our butt, as women, to want to make changes. I have been brought to the Kem way of life by my ancestors because they see how out of hand our situation has become inside our family. However, before I was able to spiritually connect with my ancestors I had no idea but to separate myself as an individual from my own blood family and the values that belonged to my blood. This society and country pushes our disconnection from our true identity, culture, ancestors and families by promoting the idea of individuality. However, how can the concept of individuality help us strengthen our bonds with our brothers and sisters? How can it even help you become closer to your own self-realization?
