Can you imagine eating breakfast with your mom who died 3 years ago? Some people can and do. What I mean is that in certain traditions, people bury their deceased relatives inside their house or courtyard. Actually, this is a luxury not available to most people in the modern world. I will explain.

The problem with those of us born and raised in “developed” countries is that we live in a land where even if you buy land to live on, to build a house on, to farm on, etc. – it is not yours; you still must pay property taxes. Plus, if the government wishes to develop on it, you’re out. You may know this as eminent domain. In certain cases, this can be beneficial for the city or country, but more than anything it negatively affects the ability for families to establish a legacy in their households, especially when it comes to burying relatives.

Today, if someone dies you hold a funeral, take them to a cemetery, then perhaps go visit the grave once per year. On top of that, your relative may have been buried in a cemetery considerably far from where you live, sometimes in a different state. And what happens when eminent domain gets rid of that cemetery?

As a result, it’s less likely you or your children will keep that person in their memory. It’s less likely they’ll remember the stories of their lives. If I didn’t take it upon myself to learn more about my family tree, I wouldn’t know much about the generation above my father’s father. That’s not very far back. Can you relate?

If you don’t remember what your grandpa did to save the family from slavery, an attack, or another crisis that could’ve affected the family, how likely is it his story will survive to the next generation? Will you and your children forget?

And what about you? Will people forget you?

This system breaks down the family.

What we know as Meritah (traditional Africa), is a place that maintains traditions which are different. Burials are structured in a way to preserve the family’s legacy. In some traditions, certain members of the family are buried inside the house. The deceased will have their own room. They may also be buried in the courtyard if the house has one.

I was speaking with NABA Kaqemna Thenuziri, a descendant of the Naba bloodline who was raised in the traditions of current day Togo, regarding this tradition. Here’s an excerpt from that interview.

M: Who in the family would you bury at home?

K: It could be someone who was very important to you, like your mother. It could also be your mentor. For me, if I have the means, I am going to bury them at home. Now, the modern system takes the body far.

M: Why would you bury family at home?

K: When you bury in the house, you benefit a lot. Many people bury in the house, in the room. Dig a hole, then put them in there. The room becomes so powerful. The spirit stays there. If it’s your mentor or your mom, you know which kind of wishes you’re going to say there.

M: So, you wouldn’t take them to a cemetery away from the household, like in the bush?

K: When someone bad passes away, sometimes they’re taken to the bush. If it’s someone close to you, make sure they’re very close. We don’t take them far.

M: What other traditions have you seen?

K: After the Dossoba (the leader of the hunters society) passed away, his 1st wife died and they buried her in the house. It was a big hole, like a well. The first wife is buried on the bottom, the second wife on top, - then him. If the third wife dies, she’s on top. That’s Bobo. (Bobo-Dioulasso is an old, traditional African city in the country of Burkina Faso). In Togo, we don’t bury far. We do the same (bury them at home).

Traditional graves: the grave is in the shape of a small hole. The way you bury today, it’s not traditional (Kaqemna refers to long-shaped graves where the deceased lays flat on their back).

Kaqemna went on to explain how in traditions he’s seen when a person dies, a deep hole will be dug. Afterwards, all that’s left for the living to see is a small hole in the ground. That’s the way that graves are constructed.

Kings aren’t buried with other people. He is buried in the house, - in his palace. In general we don’t bury people far. Maakheru (Master Naba) was buried in his village, Tambiga. He wasn’t taken far. His grave is within the compound. Some kings bury themselves; they disappear, and you don't see them. They’ll just make some signs (that they’re about to die).

M: What do you think about how people are buried today?

K: Now traditions are disappearing. But before, you go into one house and see many graves. Some Ancestors, before they pass away will say, “Bury me here. Bury me in my room. Bury me on this side.” And when you don’t do it, you’re in big trouble. But now, everything is crazy. Things are not the same.

The more I think about what Kaqemna said, the more I think about the importance of doing this. We must preserve stories in our families, preserve the spirits of those relatives.

Kaqemna’s brother once told me that they have heroes in their family.

Today, in the modern world, our children (and even us) watch Superman and Spiderman on TV, honoring them as superheroes. Then we buy cups, blankets, pillows, clothes, and toys with images of those superheroes on them. Our children can go on and on for hours talking about the history of that superhero, who their arch enemies are, what city they protect, etc. while not even knowing their own auntie’s name.

But, what if your child’s room was filled with blankets and toys with pictures of their relatives? And then looked up to them as heroes in their lives? Wouldn’t that be better?

The tradition of burying relatives in the house helps facilitate that. For those who don’t already practice this, it’s an opportunity to start something for your family, a generational legacy. You can tell your children and even visitors, “This person was buried here long, long ago. They were known for this… They saved this household. The story goes like this…”

It could be today, tomorrow, or 50 years from now. None of us knows when we’re going to die. So, while we’re here it works in our best interest to preserve the legacy of those people in our lives that contribute so much to us being here.

At The Earth Center we often promote people to move home to Meritah and buy land. Start your legacy. Bury your family at home and in a place where you know that your Ancestors’ grave’s location will not be threatened. Design your house accordingly, and ask yourself “which room will I set aside for my father?”